


This Is What Crazy Feels Like

by phantisma



Category: Firefly
Genre: Gen, Medical Procedures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-12
Updated: 2008-04-12
Packaged: 2017-11-15 16:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantisma/pseuds/phantisma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set post-Serenity, Simon is having strange dreams, and when a message from his estranged mother seems to indicate his dreams are real, he and River head home to see his dying father.  What they find there changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is What Crazy Feels Like

**Author's Note:**

> There are no established sexual relationships in this and there is very minor hints of Jayne/Simon (so minor you can gloss over it or read it as friendship between twisted folk)

_A pale white face peered up at him from the hospital bed. It was familiar, a reminder of another time. Dark eyes accused him. Traitor, they said. Ungrateful. Disappointment. “He’s dying.” A voice, as familiar as the face, stretched with worry, lined with age. His hand rose to touch her and she faded away, disappearing into the mists of too many years and too many steps away._

Simon woke suddenly, a light sweat over his skin.

“He’s dying.”

He started, sat up, clutching his blanket to him. River sat beside him, her eyes dazed, her head cocked to the side.

“What?” Simon swallowed and breathed out slowly. “What did you say?”

“Father.” River blinked and looked at him, her expression bemused. “He’s dying. Your dream, not mine.”

Simon shook his head. “It was just a dream, River.”

“Maybe. I couldn’t sleep. Your dream was too loud.”

Simon sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m sorry, I guess.” Not that he knew how to control the volume of his dreams…or even that his dreams _had_ a volume.

He was tired, his sleep had been filled for weeks with fitful dreams that made no sense, or maybe made too much sense. Dreams about his father dying, about River being lost inside the Alliance because of him, about Reavers and death.

“You fight them too much.” River said abruptly. She lay down beside him, stealing his pillow. “You should relax, let them come.”

“They’re just dreams.” Simon said again, not even questioning what she was talking about. Just dreams. He slid down and lay with her, spooning around behind her like he had when they were little and it was her nightmares that brought her to his bed.

Just dreams.

***

***

“Doc?”

Simon blinked, looked down at his hands. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just fix it.”

Simon nodded and returned to working on the captain’s wound. “It isn’t bad. I’ll give you something for the pain.”

“Something you ain’t telling?”

“No. Why?”

“You been mighty distracted last few weeks.”

Simon shook his head and loaded the syringe. “Thinking about my father. River thinks he’s dying.”

The captain narrowed his gaze. “And? Isn’t this the same man what disowned you for doing right by River?” Since Miranda, Captain Reynolds had become right protective of Simon’s little sister.

Simon had to concede the point, but not without making one of his own. “They didn’t have all the information.”

“And you think that now that the whole ‘verse knows it was the Alliance what made the Reavers, you think Mommy and Daddy will just welcome you back with open arms?”

“No. Of course not.” Simon wiped his arm and stuck the needle into him. “He’s my father though.”

“I reckon that’s true, but we just got clear. Ain’t time to be courting trouble.”

“No, you’re right. I’m just…” He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

“Best you just let it go, get your head on straight. We got a job to do.”

Simon sighed. “I know, captain. I’ll be fine.”

“See that you are.”

The captain left him then, and despite his words, Simon could only think about the dream that had woken him that morning. He kept insisting to River that they were only dreams, but he couldn’t help but wonder some days if they were more. River had proven her precognitive ability, and such things were said to run in families.

Simon chuckled and turned to clean up. A few years before he only barely believed such things existed, now he was imagining himself with the gifts River had only because of the Alliance tampering with her brain.

“Wrong.” River’s voice danced around him and he turned, looking for her.

“River?”

The infirmary was empty but for him. He returned to cleaning up. He needed to stop fantasizing and focus on his work. Zoe had asked him for a list of needed supplies, so they could scope them on their next stop.

Since the whole debacle at Miranda, jobs had come easier, Alliance interference less fierce, but Simon and River tended to stay aboard _Serenity_ when they made planet-fall, unless they were needed for something.

Which was more River than Simon. In his opinion, the captain had become entirely too dependent on River’s special gifts. But River liked the attention, and seemed to be developing something of a crush on the enigmatic captain.

“Wrong.” Once again, River’s voice echoed around him.

“Quit playing mei mei.” Simon said, not looking up.

“Not playing.” He could almost see her pout. He finished what he was doing and looked up, expecting to find her in the doorway or on the med-bed.

She wasn’t there however. Simon frowned and moved out of the infirmary. She wasn’t in the corridor. When he finally found her, she was on the bridge with Zoe. She smiled at him from the co-pilot’s chair, then frowned at him. “What?”

“I could have sworn you were just in the infirmary.”

“She’s been right here with me.” Zoe said. “She’s getting to be really good.”

“I heard you. Like you were right there.”

River cocked her head and looked at him. “You did.”

Simon shook it off and handed a data pad to Zoe. He was too tired to play at figuring her out. “My list of supplies.”

Zoe nodded and took the pad. “We’ll be at the station in about two hours. Figure it should be safe enough for you and River to stretch your legs.”

“Can we Simon? Please?” River turned on the big eyes, the ones he never could say no to.

He sighed. “I suppose, for a little while at least.”

“I want to buy a dress, for the party.” River got up from the co-pilot’s seat and danced out of the cockpit.

“Should I ask what party?” Zoe asked, amused.

Simon shook his head. “I haven’t a clue.”

***

Simon followed behind his sister and Kaylee after docking with the station. They giggled like teenagers and he gave up trying to follow what was so funny only a few minutes after leaving the ship.

The station wasn’t as crowded as it was their last stop, though the crowd gathered around the bar seemed to be rougher and rowdier. Simon glanced after the captain and Zoe, hoping that there wouldn’t be another brawl. It sometimes seemed as though Malcolm Reynolds couldn’t have a nice, peaceful drink without it devolving into a brawl.

Mal and Zoe were headed for the Post Office though, not the bar. Simon sighed and followed his sister along a rack of dresses.

“This one’s right pretty River.” Kaylee said, grabbing his attention. “Matches your eyes.”

River wrinkled her nose, but took the dress and held it up. “What do you think Simon?”

“Too much lace.” Simon said, though his eyes weren’t on the dress. It was almost like they were River’s words coming out his mouth. “Can’t move in it.” He turned his eyes back to his sister and she raised an eyebrow at him.

“You feeling okay, Simon?” Kaylee asked, her hand on his arm. “You look spooked.”

“Fine.” Simon cleared his throat. “I’m fine. Keep an eye on River.” He moved toward the news displays that were showing feeds from his home planet. Like watching his dreams come to life, he saw his father’s face.

Before he could move close enough to hear the feed, Jayne was shoving a package into his hands. “What’s this?”

“Mail.” Jayne responded, withdrawing with his own package.

“I don’t get mail.” Simon looked at the package. It wasn’t big, and the postage indicated it had come from Osiris. He moved dully to the nearest table and sat down, exhaling before working the seal open. Inside the box was a capture reader. He lifted it clear and thumbed the button to start the replay.

Instantly, his mother’s face filled the screen. “Simon, I hope this finds you. It took me forever to find a way to reach you. By now you’ve probably heard the news that your father won the Dillary Award. He’s very proud. But, it isn’t the same without you and River here. We know we drove you away. What the news waves don’t say is that your father is very sick. He’s dying, Simon. The doctors can’t…or won’t do anything. He’s a proud man, won’t ask you himself, but if there’s any way…come home. Make your peace.”

“Still think they’re just dreams?” River asked, suddenly at his elbow.

Simon jumped, cussing in Chinese. “You’re the psychic one, not me.”

“And yet…” She reached for the reader and replayed his mother saying “he’s dying” twice before he snatched it away from her.

The words echoed around his head. “We can’t, River. It’s probably a trap.”

“Probably.”

His last words with his parents had been filled with vitriol and fear. He could still taste the acid sting of being told he could never come home. That he was a disgrace to his family. All because he saw the truth in River’s letter home. All because he doubted the comfortable lies the Alliance fed them and his parents were fooled.

“Big honking trap.” River said. “I bought a dress for the party. Blue, his favorite color.”

Simon shook his head. Of course there would be a party, no matter how sick the old man was. Had to keep up appearances, never let the society vultures smell blood. It could be their way in. Slip in with the other guests.

What was he thinking? “No, River.”

She nodded and sat beside him. “Of course no. It’s a trap. They probably made him sick just to get us there. Come on Simon, how paranoid can you be?”

“It ain’t paranoia if they’re really out to get you.” Jayne said, sitting opposite them and digging into some odd looking plate of food.

River made a face at him. Simon couldn’t begrudge her the sentiment. He sighed. Osiris was a good two day flight away. If they could get a flight, or borrow one. He was fairly certain he wouldn’t talk the captain into flying so deep into the Core, not without a promise of some fairly hefty profit…and unlike the last time, Simon doubted they could get into a hospital to clean out the med-vault.

He had no reason to go back. None.

And yet, there he sat, considering it.

***

 

Simon slipped into the booth to send a private wave. He could have done it from _Serenity_ , but he didn’t need the whole crew up in his business. He pulled the door shut and keyed in the information. It took a minute, almost two, but then the screen came to life and he could see the home where he grew up.

“Oh. Just a minute.” He thought he recognized the voice, but he didn’t see a face, not until his mother’s face filled the screen.

He blinked and stared. She looked…old. Haggard. “Simon?”

“Yes Mother.”

She nodded, glancing over her shoulder before she smiled softly. “I wasn’t sure we’d hear from you.”

“How is he?”

“Always right to the point.” She shook her head. “Not good. The doctors say it’s Rysyn Syndrome.”

Simon frowned. “That’s treatable.”

“You know your father. He waited too long.”

That did sound like his father. “You told me I wasn’t welcome anymore.” He sounded like a petulant child. There were tears in her eyes when he looked up. “How do I know it isn’t an Alliance trap?”

She shook her head. “No Alliance, I promise you Simon. Not since that man came here and questioned us. Not since he threatened us.”

The Operative. He should have figured the bastard would have started at the beginning. “You’re lucky all he did was threaten.” He shook his head. “No promises, Mother.”

“I understand, Simon.”

He cut off the wave. He wanted to believe her, that there was no trap. He wasn’t the same naïve young man he’d been though. Something wasn’t right.

Rysyn’s Syndrome was fully treatable, right up until end stage. If he was already end stage he only had weeks.

***

 

“You hit your head or something I don’t know about?” Mal asked.

“No. I’m fine.” Simon said in response. “Maybe a little crazy.”

“A little?” Mal’s voice rose incredulously. “Is that what we’re calling this idea?” The captain paced around him. “Need I remind you that the last time you suggested we visit a core planet, you and your sister nearly got grabbed.”

“Only because your muscle betrayed us.” Simon amended, looking at Jayne who sat across the small ship’s dining area.

“Hey, I apologized for that.” Jayne said indignantly. “I saw money.”

Simon rolled his eyes. He’d already chalked the whole betrayal up to Jayne being Jayne…and the big guy had saved their lives since then. And River had beaten him up, which never did get old.

“Captain, I hold no delusions about this. More than likely there is some sort of trap. I realize this. But we aren’t exactly defenseless, and I believe we can make the trip profitable.”

Mal stopped his pacing and looked at Simon. “That sounds disturbingly like you have a plan.”

It should probably bother him, what he was planning. Or maybe it should bother him that it didn’t bother him. “I’ll need Jayne to pull it off. And the use of a shuttle.”

“What are you going to do? Steal from your parents?”

“Not exactly. No.” He felt himself flushing. It wasn’t far from the truth. His parents didn’t own what he was planning on stealing though. Technically. In some ways it wasn’t even stealing. “I know I can get a good price, all we have to do is get them out of the house.”

“I repeat, this sounds disturbingly like you have a plan.” Mal said, crossing his arms.

“River and I go in during the party. Jayne backs us up. We deal with my father, Jayne gets the goods out. We meet before daylight and get back to _Serenity_.”

“What about the part where it’s probably a trap?” Jayne asked, sitting forward and paying closer attention now that he’d been mentioned.

Simon shrugged. “You can take care of yourself, River can take care of us. I’m not worried.”

“Maybe you should be.” River said suddenly. She knocked on his head with her knuckle. “You aren’t yourself.”

“I’m fine.”

“Waking up…sleepy head is waking up.” River sing-songed at him, rocking a little.

“What **is** she talking about?” Jayne stood, glowering at River.

“Simon.” River responded, knocking on Simon’s head again. “Knock, knock, who’s there? Sleepy head. Sleepy head who? Sleepy head Simon waking up in the morning dew.” She turned to glare at Jayne. “You should wake up too. Make you smarter.”

Simon sighed deeply. Some days he had to admit he just didn’t understand his sister.

“He has dreams.” River said directly to Mal when it became obvious to her that they weren’t getting her. “Hears voices. Waking up to what he was meant to be. Like me.” She leaned down near Simon’s ear. “You always were a little slow.”

Simon shook his head and stood up. “Hush now River. Go get your things ready.”

“I ain’t said yes yet.” Mal countered as River skipped away.

“You will.” Simon said. “Inara can take a few clients on Osiris, you can take the profit from the last job and take Kaylee shopping for the spare parts she’s been hunkering after. Two days, tops, and we’re out again, with a tidy little profit.”

***

 

“Aw come on. What do you mean I don’t get to bring Vera?”

Simon rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. “No weapons. It’s not that kind of job.”

Jayne snorted. “They’re all that kind of job eventually.”

“Not this time.” Simon brushed past Jayne and looked around the cargo bay for his sister. “River?”

“I still don’t see why you need me for this little party of yours.”

Simon didn’t look back at Jayne, just waved at River who was coming out of Inara’s shuttle, looking five years older in her party dress, with her hair done up. “I need you to do the heavy lifting.”

“You ain’t said yet what kinda stuff we’re stealing.”

“No, I haven’t. We need to go, River.”

“Well, are you gonna?” Jayne followed Simon as he moved to usher River into the shuttle. “I mean, I might want to know what I’ll be heavy lifting.”

“All you need to know is that it will bring a price.” The last thing he wanted to tell Jayne was that they were lifting a library. Books were not exactly Jayne’s idea of merchandise worth stealing. But these weren’t just any books. Some were so old that they were rumored to have come from Earth-that-was.

His grandfather had given them to him…some while he was still alive, the rest in his will. Simon had left them behind, along with everything else about himself, when he’d gone in search of his sister.

“Captain, we’re ready.”

“You be careful and bring back my shuttle in one piece.”

“See you in a few days.”

Jayne climbed into the pilot’s chair and powered up the shuttles engines. They separated and headed toward the surface.

According to the news waves, the party celebrating his father’s achievement started at sunset. Jayne flew them in over the city, then out over the sprawl of residential districts until Simon pointed. “There. Plenty of cover, close enough to walk.”

It was a shaded area of the estate they’d played in as children. Jayne slapped his hand away. “I see it.”

“Okay, give me an hour and meet me at the servant’s entrance off the main road.”

“Right. And if you don’t show?”

Simon stopped to look at him. “Then I was right about the trap.”

“And I beat it out of there.” Jayne nodded. “Right.”

Simon rolled his eyes, but truthfully, he didn’t expect anything less. “Wear the uniform. You’ll draw less attention.”

“Have you seen that uniform?” Jayne asked in protest.

River giggled, but Simon figured that she didn’t have a lot of room to talk about the way anyone was dressed, considering her dark blue gown and party hair style combined with combat boots. “Okay, let’s get moving.” He adjusted his jacket and grabbed his black bag as he stepped out onto the damp grass of the park. It had been a while since he’d been so dressed up. It was almost uncomfortable.

“No Alliance.”

“What?” Simon looked at River who frowned at him.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I heard you.”

“And you think I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy, I—“ There was a buzzing sound, and he turned, looking for the source. “Do you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“A noise, like…buzzing.”

River rolled her eyes and put her hand in his, tugging him along. He could see the house now, lit up and dazzling. People spilled out on the balconies and yard. Music drifted to them.

_“Who does he think he’s fooling?”_

_“Have you seen the size of the cake?”_

_“Such a pity about his kids.”_

Simon stopped again, looking around him for the source of the voices.

“Simon?”

He rubbed his head. It was starting to really hurt. “Did you hear them?”

She shook her head and pulled his hands away from his face, looking into his eyes. “Not good. Simon, you need to concentrate.”

“On what?”

She shook her head, held her hands to his face. “On me. Look at me. Hear only me.”

“What’s happening?”

She shook her head again. “You’re hearing things. People’s thoughts. You need to control it.”

He swallowed a lump of fear. “How do I do that?”

“You focus. You just do.” She held his face, and as long as she was touching him, the voices retreated. “Better?”

“Did you do something?”

“No. You did.”

She let go and he took a slow breath. “I think…I think I’m okay.” He had no idea what he did to make it stop, but he didn’t want to think about it too much.

River slipped her hand back into his and they started toward the house again. It reminded him of better days, before he went away to medical school, before River was off at the Academy having her brain poked and cut into. They would walk hand in hand through these trees, play hide and seek, chase each other in circles until they were called in to supper.

That was before he knew what a Reaver was. Before he’d broken a half a dozen laws. Before he’d lost faith in what the Alliance was. Before he’d learned what life was really like.

“You miss it.” River said softly beside him.

He smiled and nodded. “Don’t you?”

“Never really was right here.”

They stepped out of the trees and into a stream of people headed toward their parents’ home. No one seemed to notice. River’s hand tightened in his, the only sign that she was affected at all, as they climbed the front steps and passed through the open door.

For a moment, it was if nothing had changed, as if the years since he’d last stood there had never happened. He was a young man, flushed with excitement over his achievements and anxious to share them with his father.

Then reality came crashing around him. Murmurs and whispers filled the air as people either looked away or stared.

“It’s them.”

“How dare they show up here?”

River’s hand squeezed his again and they kept moving, out of the doorway, through the crowd. The whispers followed them, only he wasn’t sure which ones were actually whispers and which were just thoughts he was somehow hearing.

Which was insane. He shook his head, but all it did was aggravate the growing headache. He was going out of his mind. Idly he wondered if this is what it had been like for her.

River’s face was suddenly in his. “No, it was faster. Little pop inside my head and then BOOM and trickle, trickle…inside my brain.”

He jerked back. People were staring more intently now. “Come on.” He drew her toward the sitting room. That’s where they would find him. He wasn’t sure why, but he was sure he was there.

Sure enough, there he was, holding court with Mother at his side and adoring pupils all around. Gabriel Tam looked up, his words dying mid sentence as he spotted them in the doorway.

For a long moment, no one moved, then he leaned forward and whispered something in the ear of the nearest of his students. The young man stood, and the rest followed. Simon blinked. They all looked the same…silvery tendrils of something tying them together. He blinked again and they were just average students. He shook his head.

In seconds the room was empty but for the Tams.

Still, nothing was said. Not until River blurted out. “You look old.”

Their mother gasped and held out her arms. After looking to Simon for assurance, River left him and let their mother wrap her arms around her. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

Simon moved into the room, pulling the door shut to hide the little family reunion from the rest of the party. “Father.”

Gabriel Tam glared up at him. “Last time you were here, I told you that you weren’t welcome back if you defied me.”

Simon nodded slowly. “Yes. You did. And here I am. Still defying you.”

“I heard about that little gang of thieves you have taken up with.”

Simon found himself oddly ambivalent. He’d expected anger, maybe hurt or fear. “I’m not surprised.”

“Did you bring them with you?”

Simon shook his head. “No. It’s just me and River. Mother told me about the Rysyn’s. I thought I might be able to help.”

“You forget you lost your license to practice medicine?”

He smiled and set his bag on the table beside his father. “It’s just a piece of paper. Doesn’t take away what I know.”

“No point now. I’m end stage. Already should be dead.”

His father always had been stubborn about things. “How are you managing the pain?”

“Fine. Fine. Did you risk your life and your sister’s just to ask me stupid questions?”

Simon sighed. “I came because Mother asked me to. If you don’t want us here, we’ll leave.”

“No!” His mother clutched River closer, until River was making choking noises.

“Can’t breathe Simon.”

“Mother.” Simon went to her and pried River free.

“Gabriel, I’ll not have you driving them away.”

“Fine Regan. Just keep them out of sight. They’ll be the end of what’s left of our social standing.”

His father pulled himself to his feet, then shuffled out of the room. His mother sighed and sank into the chair he’d just left. “I’m sorry. I thought…”

“That once he saw us, he’d be swept with remorse and forgiveness?” Simon asked, crossing to his bag. His head was killing him. “You should know better.”

He dug through his bag until he came up with a mild pain medication and swallowed two dry. His headache was worse for the reunion. “It’s good to see you, Mother.”

She clutched at River’s hand. “Are you hungry? You look thin. Let me bring you some food.”

Simon nodded and sank to a seat on the couch, unbuttoning his jacket. “Food would be very nice, thank you.”

She stood and stopped at the door. “Just for now…wait here. No point riling him up.”

He watched her go, then glanced up at River. “You okay?”

She cocked her head. “She’s sad, Simon.”

He sighed and closed his eyes. Of course she was sad. Her husband was dying, her children fugitives. Pretty soon she’d be alone.

_”Not yet, wait for it.”_

He opened his eyes, looked for River who was looking at the art on the walls.

_”We need both of them. Wait for the party to start to break up.”_

River turned to look at him. He was loosing his mind. “Simon?”

The door opened and their mother slipped in with a maid in tow. The maid set a tray of food on the low table and withdrew. Their mother settled back into the chair. “Go on, eat. I can’t imagine how you’ve been surviving out there in the dark.”

_We can salvage it if we move now. Call Sheriton. Tell him the prodigal has come home. I’ll stall them._

Simon knew that voice.

The door opened and their father stepped inside, closing it immediately. He cleared his throat. “I owe you an apology. You came here in good faith and I behaved poorly.” He turned to River, a vague smile on his face. “Look at you…all grown up.”

“No thanks to you.” Simon said.

_That’s right, blame me._

“I blame you because it’s your fault. You wouldn’t do anything to help her!” Simon exclaimed, standing.

His father frowned at him. “What do you know?” He moved closer. “I made choices, Simon. Choices you could never understand.”

“Choices that included leaving River at the mercy of mad men who cut out pieces of her brain and turned her into a killer.”

His mother paled. “Simon, please.”

“Please? Do you know what they did to her?” Simon asked, pointing to River. “How they tormented her? What they turned her into?”

He shook his head, then pressed a hand against his forehead. Damn but his head hurt. “This was a mistake. A stupid mistake. Captain Reynolds was right.” He took River’s arm and led her to the door. “I’m taking a few of my things. We won’t bother you again.”

“I come and apologize and you’re just going to run away?”

Simon stopped at the door. “You don’t want us here. Maybe you never did. We’ll just go back to our little gang of thieves.”

_Got to keep them, just a little longer._

Simon opened the door and the sound from the party was like a wave washing over them, burying the words he thought he heard. He stumbled out, pressing harder against his forehead now.

“Bye.” River called as Simon dragged her through the door and out into the house. She backpedaled until she got turned around. “Where are we going?”

“To get Jayne and get what we came for.”

“I thought we came for the party.”

Simon stopped near the door where he expected Jayne to be waiting. “It’s a mistake.” He just wanted out now. He pushed the door open, relieved that Jayne was waiting there as promised. “Come on.”

He led River and Jayne through the quieter end of the house, to the door of his old bedroom. “River, watch for trouble.”

He opened the door, not surprised to find that everything he’d left behind was boxed up. “The boxes we want are in the closet.” He thumbed the controls on the lock, glad he’d thought to scramble the combination before he left. Once the door slid open, he pointed at the five boxes.

Jayne lifted the first of them and cursed. “What in tarnation is in these?”

“Just get them out of here.”

“Whatever you say Doc.” Jayne piled boxes onto the dolly. “But I don’t take orders from you, you know?”

Simon growled in frustration. “The books in these boxes are worth more than the shuttle we’ll be taking them out of here on.”

“Books? You got me hauling gorram books?”

“Yes. Now do what I brought you here for. We’ll be right behind you.”

Simon opened the door. River was no where to be seen. “Shit.” The buzzing was back, his head feeling like it was going to split open. He stumbled against the wall, closing his eyes. “Get to the shuttle. I’ll find River.”

“No offense, Doc, but you don’t look too good.”

“Just get to the shuttle.”

He stumbled away, holding his head with one hand and the wall with the other. That’s when he realized he’d left his bag in the sitting room.

_Find them. He’ll be here soon._

“Simon.” Clear as day, he heard River’s voice. He opened his eyes and the room was spinning. He was going to be sick. If he didn’t pass out first.

***

 

Colors jumbled together and spilled out in words that made no sense. Voices blurred and faded, only to burst out of the dark again. He was vaguely aware of hands on his skin, touching his face with something cold. He opened his eyes, but the room was spinning out of control and it only made him sick to his stomach.

_Lock it down._

Screams. Gunfire. Blazing heat. Simon groaned and rolled onto his side as he started to vomit. Disembodied hands steadied him, held his shoulder to keep him from falling…even though it felt like he was falling anyway.

“Easy.” The voice was familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

“Where is she?”

“He can’t answer you.” The voice was close. The hands. The hands and voice went together.

“He better answer.”

Simon pushed up, but the hands petted over him, encouraged him to lie still. “Can’t you see he’s in pain?”

“I want the girl.”

River. He was looking for River. Simon wasn’t sure how he knew, but he did. He was sure of it. There were five men, all looking for River. He tried opening his eyes again.

The room had stopped spinning, but it had landed on its side. He was laying down. On something soft. The room smelled of vomit, or maybe it was just him. “Simon?”

He turned his head, discovered the softness was his mother’s lap. His head was on her thigh. Her hand was in his hair. Her voice. It was her voice, though it sounded strange, strained.

There were legs, a hand. It pushed him and he rolled onto his back, looking up into the face of a man he didn’t know. “What’s wrong with him?”

“If I had my guess, I would say sensory overload.” Another voice said, from near the door. Simon blinked as the voice came closer. “Something activated him.”

“Activated? Gabriel, what are you talking about?”

“Stay out of it Regan. Simon, can you hear me?”

“No.” Simon covered his eyes and tried to curl back up in a fetal position. Everything hurt.

“Simon.” His father was squatting beside him now, touching him, forcing his eye open and shining a light into it. Simon recoiled. “We really don’t have time for this, Simon.”

“Time for what, Gabriel?”

“Him to adjust to his new abilities.” His father stood and walked away. He lowered his voice and Simon couldn’t hear him over the drone of thoughts and machinery in his head.

“Simon, listen to me. There are Alliance officers on their way here to take you and your sister into custody. I need you to focus.”

Simon pushed himself up to sitting, shielding his eyes as he squinted at his father. The room was too bright and his father was so very dark. He forced himself to breathe slowly and nodded. “Focus.” River had told him the same thing. “I can focus.” For the moment, he focused on a dull spot on his father’s shoe.

“Where is River?”

“Don’t know.” Focus. Simon licked his lips. “She was watching the hallway while we got the boxes.”

“What boxes?” Gabriel stepped closer, his hand closing around Simon’s chin and tilting his face up. “What boxes, Simon?”

“Books. Grandfather’s books. My books.”

“Where are they now?”

Simon tried to shake his head. The buzz was louder. He wanted to cover his ears. “Gone. Sent him away.”

He let go of Simon and walked away again.

“Gabriel, tell me what is going on.”

“I’m trying to save your children, Regan.”

“Our children.”

Gabriel turned to look at her. “Of course. Our children. Sheriton, have your men search the house for River. I have to go out and be gracious while kicking out my guests. Keep him here. Come Regan.”

“Not until you explain yourself. We can’t just leave him, he’s sick.”

“He’s not sick, he’s…evolving. He’ll be fine once he accepts it and learns how it works.”

She stomped her foot. “How what works?”

He sighed heavily. “I’m surprised you haven’t figured that out already, my dear. You were the key after all. I needed your DNA. The children needed a mother to raise them while I figured out how to activate the genetic coding.”

Simon was starting to see where his father was leading them. “You did this?” He staggered to his feet. “To River. You made her like this and fed her to them.”

“All my life I’ve worked to perfect the human mind. With you and your sister I was so close…the intelligence quotient was off the scale, and her physical agility…almost perfect. But you didn’t have the strength for what came next, and she was…too devoted to you. When the Alliance discovered what I had done, they demanded the both of you.” Gabriel lifted his chin. “I told them the experiment was a failure, but they didn’t believe me. You probably don’t remember the evaluations…they came here and tested you both. They took River when they saw what she was, what she was capable of…took my research, took her. Left me with you and I had to start from scratch.

“You gave them River so that you could continue working.” Simon could see it now, the long hours at work in some secret place, hiding what he was really working on behind the façade of scientific research for Blue Sun.

“I went back to the beginning. I was overly ambitious with the two of you. Thought I could create new life. I should have been concentrating on perfecting existing life.”

“Genetic manipulation.” Simon was dizzy, nauseous.

His father nodded. “Pick out the strongest genetic traits and strengthen them. Make a bright mind brilliant. Enhance natural talents. Work with what is already present in the DNA rather than trying to combine the perfect DNA. Simple, really.”

Simon clutched at his stomach. “Why? Why River?” He was going to be sick again. “Why am I like this now?”

“I put a lock down in your code. Both yours and Rivers. It’s a like a node on your amygdala, it prevented the extra senses from being active, but let your heightened intelligence function normally.”

That explained why the Alliance had done what they had to River. Why they cut into her brain. They wanted those abilities active.

“Now, we need to find your sister and get the two of you into the lab. We need to find out what activated you”

“No.” Simon shook his head. “I’m not letting you touch her.”

“It’s not really like you have a choice, Simon.”

He didn’t see the needle coming, but he felt the prick and the darkness swooped in on him.

Something didn’t feel right. Jayne didn’t like the idea that he was stealing gorram books, or that he was taking orders from the pipsqueak doctor or that the freaky sister of his had disappeared. He didn’t like being on a core planet without a good number of guns, though the weight of the hand gun in the pocket of the ridiculous uniform jacket was comforting.

“Not that kind of mission, my ass.” Jayne muttered as he got the last of the boxes strapped in for take off and stepped out of the shuttle looking for a sign of either the doctor or the girl.

He considered contacting Mal, but he had no proof that anything was wrong, exactly. River wandered off more times than not, and nothing was wrong ‘cept for the wiring in her head. 

He growled and paced the grass in front of the shuttle. They had twenty minutes though to make it back to the shuttle, or he was leaving without them. The music pouring out of the house seemed to quiet, then end. People were leaving. Jayne frown and checked the time. It was still pretty early.

The roar of engines made him look up. Feds. Two hover-craft worth of Feds. Jayne dashed into the shuttle and started to bring it to life, stopping when two more hovercraft showed up. There was no way he’d be getting away undetected. He was better off hiding.

Only hiding wasn’t exactly his strong suit.

***

 

The flat metallic taste on his tongue told him there were still drugs in his system…which made a little more sense of the fact that he couldn’t move his arms. His own father had drugged him. 

Simon’s brain was a little like the molded protein they made most meals from, mushy. Probably more of the drug.

Thankfully though, it blocked out the odd voices and random bits of passing thoughts. 

River.

Simon tried to sit up, only to find himself strapped down. He opened his eyes. Lab. He was in a lab. Strapped to a table. Above him a holographic projection of his body was hovering. It slowly focused in on his brain. “That’s not right.”

Even from his position he could see the rapidly firing areas of activity, the flood of red that indicated readings outside of normal. “Do you see what I’m seeing, Jefferson?”

Simon turned his head. His father was at the controls of the machine. “Over 80% active. Sixty of that is over active. It’s a wonder he can function.” Simon didn’t know the speaker…presumably Jefferson.

“Here…there’s bruising all around the amygdala. Narrow the focus, let’s see how much damage there is.”

“Looks like he took a blow to the head. No surgical scars.” 

“What’s that, there?” There was a hand poking at the image. “The swelling seems to have dislodged the node.” The image turned, shifted. Simon felt like he was going to be sick again. “That would certainly disengage the functionality.”

“Not much we can do without surgery, and we can’t risk that now.” His father came into view. “Find out if Sheriton’s had any luck with finding his sister. It won’t take them long to search the house and realize we’re running.”

“Running?” Simon’s voice was thick, slurred with the drugs his father had injected into him.

“Would you rather I turned you over to the Alliance? I promise you that they will be far less gentle with you.” His father turned away to the other person in the room. “Let’s keep him sedated for now. I don’t want to risk any rebellious behavior while we make our getaway. Get him secured while I make sure that the file transfer is complete.”

***

 

Jayne told himself he was crazy, but he still crept through the grounds. There were very few people around for there having been a party here only a while before. He checked his small gun and wished, not for the first time, that he’d brought more firepower.

And why, exactly, he was sticking his neck out for the damn doctor and his crazy sister escaped him. Nothing but trouble, the both of them. The door he’d gone in before was locked tight. He turned his back, looked around him, then there was a wooshing sound, and a hand on the back of his jacket, yanking him back and into the house.

A small hand closed over his mouth and he was pushed into the wall. “Just me.” River said, letting him go when he nodded. “Feds.”

“No shit, bunches of them. Where’s Simon?”

“The bugs took him. Took Mother too.”

“Bugs?” 

She made a face, her eyes wide, her fingers circling her eyes. “Bugs. They scurry, scurry, always in a hurry.”

Jayne took a deep breath. “Don’t have time for your kind of crazy, girl, we need to get out of here.” He grabbed her arm and headed for the door, but she pulled back. 

“Simon. Need you to stay with Simon. I’ll take care of everything else.”

“Like hell.” She was pushing him though, down the hallway, stopping at a door. 

“Down there. Bugs live under ground. Simon isn’t a bug.”

She opened the door and Jayne dug his feet into the floor, stopping himself from hurtling through the door with a hand on the jamb. “I ain’t going down in the gorram dark.”

“Are you scared of the bugs?” She cocked her head to the side. “They won’t hurt you. They don’t eat much.”

“You are just begging me to hurt you little girl.” Jayne said through clenched teeth. He reached for her, but gunshots rang out and they both ducked. “Gorram Feds.”

“Make Simon feel…make him feel not think.” She shoved him into the dark and slammed the door closed. Behind the door he heard shouting and gunfire and running. Heavy booted feet ran past the door and then there was silence. 

He took a step forward and then stumbled down several stairs. When he got his feet back under him, he felt his way down. At the bottom there was a rounded corner, then faint lights showing a long corridor. Jayne hefted his gun and set off down the hall. It was better than going back to the Feds and the crazy girl.

It looked like a bolthole, a tunnel made for getting out unseen, and if that were the case, there would be an exit. He hoped. Not something he expected in a place like this. Made him wonder if the doc wasn’t holding out on them.

Only folks what had boltholes were the kind of folk what needed them, in his experience. That didn’t usually include the upright and proper.

Voices ahead made him stop, standing up against the wall.

“Prep the ship, we’ll be collapsing the tunnel shortly.”

“What about the girl?”

“We’ll have to leave without her. I don’t want to compromise what we do have. The last of the data has been transferred.”

Collapsing the tunnel didn’t sound good. Jayne inched forward, peeking around the corner. The cavern beyond was large enough to hold a small ship, where two men were carrying a stretcher…a stretcher with Simon asleep on top of it.

Mal was really going to kill him this time. And it wasn’t even his fault.

Jayne let his eyes sweep over the space, mapping out the movements it would take to get onto the ship. He’d find a place to hide until they left atmo and then find Simon. Together, they could take the ship and circle back to collect River, provided she didn’t get pinched in the mean time.

***

 

Simon was vaguely aware that he was on a ship. He could feel the hum of her engines in his skin. State of the art, fine tuned. He had been left in a room, alone.

His skin crawled, felt the lurch and climb as the ship lifted off. River was alone. She wouldn’t know how to find him. He opened his eyes. The room was small. The walls smooth metal with no indication where the door was. He lay on a shelf that emerged from the wall. 

His shoes were gone. His clothes too. In their place he was clad in plain white hospital scrubs. Plain but for the number one stitched into the left chest.

He sat up slowly. The drugs were still in his system, making him sluggish. His father had drugged him, tested him. If he was even his father. Simon was beginning to doubt that. At least in a strictly physical sense. Metaphorically speaking, he supposed, he could still hold the title…but Simon was beginning to realize he hadn’t been conceived in any natural manner.

If he wasn’t so heavily sedated, it might occur to him to be afraid. Instead, he was angry. He stood, pacing to the wall and back to the shelf. No one knew where he was, so this time, it was up to him. 

Before he could start to think beyond the heavy block of the drugs, the wall slid open. The man his father had called Sheriton smiled at him. It wasn’t a comforting smile. 

“We haven’t been properly introduced.” He stepped into the room and the door closed seamlessly behind him. “My name is Daglin Sheriton. You are Simon Tam, fugitive from justice, genetic aberration, and now, my prisoner.”

“My father—“

Sheriton’s smile widened. “Your father is a fool. Blinded by science. No ambition. He wouldn’t have started over without me. Trust me when I tell you that you belong to me. Just as he does. Just as your sister will soon.” 

He moved closer and Simon backed away. “In just a little while, we will fit you with a device that will prevent you from…well, from doing anything that isn’t a direct order from me. Once we’ve curbed your rebellious nature, we will be exploring your mutations extensively. I’m afraid it will be rather painful.”

Simon’s back was against the wall. “Who…who are you?”

“I am not Alliance, if that is your fear, my dear Simon. I am…a far sighted individual who sees that the time of the Alliance is nearing its end.” He ran a hand over Simon’s face. “I aim to be positioned to benefit when that happens.”

Simon shuddered. “You’re insane.”

Sheriton slapped him, hard. “I am your master…your king. You will obey me “ He moved away and touched a control panel on the wrist of his jacket. “Rest, we need the last of those meds out of your system before we get started. They interfere with the mechanism.”

***

 

Jayne had never been so glad to shed a garment as he was that ridiculous butler’s uniform. It was unfortunate that the first bad guy he grabbed was so gorram short though. The damn pants only came to the top of his ankles and were too tight for comfort. He’d have to knock out someone bigger next. 

At least the gun was of a decent size. It was only a stunner, but it was better than wandering around empty handed. 

It was a nice ship. Fetch a price on the market that would make Jayne a very rich man. Maybe get him his own crew. All he had to do was find the doc and take over the ship. No problem. Him against a bunch of science guys.

Except, they weren’t all science guys, which he discovered when he stepped back into the hallway and got cold cocked. He went flying to the floor, skidding over the smooth surface. Someone pressed his hand against something cold. 

“Jayne Cobb.” The voice was cold, but amused. “I figured one of your little rag tag team must be around. Are you here to find your little doctor?”

Jayne looked up, squinting. “I know you?”

“Daglin Sheriton. You may not know me now…but very soon, the entire ‘verse is going to know me. Get him up.” Two men dragged Jayne to his feet. “I’m afraid we’re a running a little low on accommodations, you’ll have to share. Put him in with Tam.”

Jayne stumbled as they dragged him and the wall slid open. The two men shoved Jayne into the room. It was barely that, a holding cell of some sort, and as promised, already occupied. Jayne rubbed at his jaw, looking over the room’s other occupant. “You ain’t Simon.”

“Very astute.” The man sat on the shelf that slid from the wall. He sighed and rolled his eyes. “I am Gabriel Tam.”

“Doc’s father?” Jayne nodded. Obviously this guy wasn’t running this show. “Let me guess, the monkey in the suit outside was your…assistant?”

“Partner.”

“Money?”

The older Tam rolled his eyes, but nodded. “He was funding my research.”

Jayne grunted. It was always the money. “Jayne Cobb. Simon’s on my crew.” He surveyed the wall where the door had been, but he couldn’t find any sign of the door. 

“State of the art, can’t be broken out of.”

“Don’t mean we shouldn’t try.”

“Means it’s a waste of time.” The older man shook his head and laid down on the shelf. “Jayne’s a girl’s name.”

“Time we have.” At least until the ship made whatever destination Sheriton had in mind. “And I ain’t no girl.”

***

 

She needed more time. Wrap her mind around the information. Footsteps were taking her time away. Boots. Three pair. 

River slipped into the shadows. Alliance. Looking for her and Simon. Looking for Father-not-father. But they were gone. There was only River…and she was slipping away too. 

Couldn’t be caught. Needed to slip away into the dark. Become the dream. 

She needed to get to the shuttle and find _Serenity_ so they could go after Simon. He had come for her. Rescued her.

Now it was her turn.

***

Simon wasn’t drugged, but he almost wished he was. Without the sedatives, everything was too much, as if someone had turned up every sense to it’s most sensitive. He could taste his own mouth…the air…He could smell the antiseptic used to clean the room, his own sweat…He could hear every nuance of the engine, of the footsteps outside his door, the breathing of the people nearby.

His head ached with the strain, with the excess input and the attempt to keep it from making him crazy. 

_You fight them too much._ River had said. _You should relax, let them come._

Simon shook his head. He wasn’t ready He didn’t want this. Whatever this was becoming. Whatever he was becoming.

The door opened and two big men stepped into the room. “I have no qualms about causing you pain, Doctor Tam.”

Simon swallowed and stepped easily into the hall. No point asking for more pain. “You do know that my captain will come looking for me.” 

“I imagine he will. By the time he finds us, however, you won’t really be yourself, so don’t worry that pretty little head over it. In here please.” 

Sheriton gestured into a med-bay. Simon dragged his feet a little, seeing the equipment at hand. “Not to worry Doctor, my medical people are the best in the business. Onto the table, please.”

When he hesitated, Simon was dragged, forced onto his back and strapped down. Straps covered his forehead and chin, pinning his head so that his neck was over the opening in the table. The table lifted and turned until Simon’s head was in a position that exposed the back of his neck. He couldn’t see, but he could hear the new people entering the room, soft feet on hard floors, murmurs as they prepared.

Cold. He shivered. Buzzing. They shaved the back of his neck. More cold. Metal against his skin. Cleaning solutions, rubbing alcohol.

Fear leached into his stomach. It percolated inside him like coffee. He pulled at the straps, even as he felt the circle of metal on his neck. “No.” He struggled, tried to shake his head, but he was secure. The fear was growing faster than he could control it. 

A nearby cart of equipment started to shake. “Get him collared.” Sheriton said.

There was a sharp prick, a cold rush, then pain…excruciating pain. The device worked into him, like glass digging into his skin, into his veins…into his brain. Everything stopped. Everything went cold and dark. He couldn’t feel or hear or see or taste.

Slowly his hearing came back first, then his other senses, muted…distant. 

“We have full control, Mr. Sheriton. Total domination over autonomous responses.”

“Excellent. Release him.”

“I do recommend you let the device acclimate for a few hours before you test it.”

“Get him up.”

Simon watched the smallish man at the controls of a large machine hand a small controller to Sheriton. The table was righted, the straps released. “Get up please, Dr. Tam.”

Before Simon had even processed the command, his body was moving, obeying.

“Follow me.”

To his dismay, his body did exactly that, no matter how much his brain was telling it to stop. When they stopped in front of a blank spot of wall, Simon figured he’d be put back in his cell while the device acclimated. 

Instead, the wall opened to a different cell. To his father and Jayne. Simon blinked, his eyes flashing to Jayne’s. He fought to speak, to say something, anything.

His father stood, smoothing his jacket. “Sheriton, this is ridiculous. I demand that you let me go this instant.”

“I’m afraid, Gabriel, that our time together has come to and end. I no longer need you. I have your prototype.” His hand was on Simon’s shoulder and he couldn’t even move to shake it off.

“Simon is not enough, you’ve seen the documentation, you know this.”

Sheriton smiled. “Trust me when I tell you that Simon is perfect. Exactly what I need.”

Simon felt something in his hand and looked down. Sheriton pressed a button on the control. “Kill them.”

“No.” His body betrayed his protest though, stepping into the room, holding the knife. His father cowered away. “No.” Simon almost couldn’t hear his own voice. There was a white roar in his head. He fought the movement, but his hand shoved the blade into his father’s stomach and pulled back, landing a second blow.

He turned to Jayne. 

“Hey, Doc. Come on now. I know you got reason more than most but…what about you saying you wouldn’t ever hurt me.”

Simon managed to shake his head. He didn’t want to kill Jayne. Obviously that wasn’t going to matter. He’d just killed his father. He fought the compulsion even as he stepped closer and Jayne crowded against the wall. He met the big guy’s eyes, tried to relay what he needed, what he was fighting against.

He had no idea if Jayne understood. He plunged his hand forward and Jayne grabbed at the hand, at the knife, then sagged against the wall, and fell forward, face first onto the floor, his head inches from Sheriton’s boots.

“Very good Simon. Let’s get you back to your room so you can rest.”

***

 

Jayne waited until the door was nearly closed before he slid the blade out from under him and stuck it in the track of the door. It was just enough to keep it from fully closing. He rolled onto his back and lifted his shirt. The bastard had cut him, but not deep. 

He wasn’t sure what to make of it.

Or of the fact that he’d heard Simon’s voice, as clear as day in his head. 

“Help me.”

Jayne rolled back to look into the hallway through the crack. It was empty. He needed to figure out what was going on. Fast.

***

 

Simon shook as he huddled in the corner of his “room”. His hands were covered in blood. His father was dead. Dead.

And Simon had done it. Simon had killed him because Sheriton ordered it. 

Slowly he lifted shaking hands to the back of his neck, fingering over the device. He’d heard rumors about such things, but hadn’t ever actually believed they existed. 

_Think Simon_. 

Obviously, when Sheriton was not around, he could still control himself. And, he was fairly certain he’d managed to not kill Jayne, but he wasn’t sure. Maybe it was better to assume he was on his own.. 

Not that it made him feel better. 

He didn’t have much to work with. He knew more than he had twenty-four hours before…but wasn’t sure how that would help him.

He knew that he and River weren’t actually the children of Gabriel Tam, they were more his creation that he put inside their mother. He knew that his father considered Simon a failed experiment.

Simon shook his head. Now wasn’t the time for feeling sorry for himself. He knew that something had knocked the control node loose to activate his extra senses and gifts. Things his father had controlled and hidden away because he didn’t think Simon had what it took to fully realize the potential coded in his DNA.

That meant that maybe there was a whole lot more to it than Simon realized. And if he could just access it, maybe…just maybe, he could survive this.

***

 

“What do you mean they ain’t here?”

“Just what I said, sir. We’re at the rendezvous, but there’s no sign of the other shuttle.” Zoe turned in the chair and looked at him. “There’s nothing on the cortex about them getting grabbed.”

“Inara?”

A smile cut across her face and she nodded. “On approach.”

“I knew this was a bad idea from the get-go.”

There was a beeping sound and Zoe turned. “We have a wave. Local.”

“Put it through.” Mal leaned over the console. River’s face filled up the screen. 

“Captain?”

“Yeah, River. What’s the trouble?”

“Bugs. Bugs snatched up Simon and Jayne. Long story, don’t have time. Alliance is chasing the bugs, but they won’t find them. We have to save them before the bugs eat Simon’s brains.”

“Where are you?” Mal asked, even as Zoe scanned the area. 

“Almost to you.”

“I don’t see you on—oh.” Zoe pointed as the shuttle popped up, just behind Inara’s inbound shuttle. River pulled up, rolling around Inara to settle almost gently into the docking port.

“I’m going to strangle her.” Mal flew off the bridge and down the corridor toward the cargo bay. River was off the shuttle, her fancy party dress torn. She threw something at Mal. “Bugs.” He understood, sort of. The scrap of metal bore the logo of Daglin Interplanetary Corporation, which looked more like a squished green spider than much of anything else.

“We have to go. Now. Alliance is coming.” River was running past him, headed for the bridge.

“Wanna tell me where it is you think we’re going?”

She threw herself into the co-pilot’s chair and started fiddling with things. “Bugs. Gotta find the bugs.”

“We’re not going to just go running—“

He grabbed at the console as she headed them out of atmo. “Know where they’re going Captain.” She turned and looked at him. “Course laid in. They’ve got a good head start on us though. It took me most of the night to shake the Alliance patrols.”

“And where is it they’re going?”

She slid to the screen and her fingers slid over it, pulling up a profile on the cortex. “Daglin Sheriton, owner of the bugs.” Her fingers flew over the interface. “Daglia, moon of Diana. Named for his great-grandmother. Ancestral home. High-Tech settlement with a resident population of one…plus service staff.”

“Okay, slow down.” Mal ran a hand over his face as Kaylee and Inara joined them. “Why would this Sheriton guy want them, and why take them there?”

“Daglin Sheriton?” Inara asked and River nodded. Inara shivered. “Creepy guy. Megalomaniac. Thinks he can take over the verse once the Alliance crumbles.”

Mal turned to her, frowning. “How is it you know this guy?”

“He requested my services once. Nice looking, seemed okay. Until we were alone.” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. The man’s insane. Why are we talking about him?”

“Looks to be the guy who pinched Simon and Jayne.”

“Why would anyone want Simon and Jayne?”

“Didn’t want Jayne at all. Wanted Simon. Me and Simon. Simon and me. The beginning.” She shook her head. ‘Went back to the beginning and found out where it all started.”

Mal was starting to lose his patience with the girl. “Where what started?”

“Simon was the first…he came first. Put up inside her to grow and then it was my turn…only I was broken and he sent me away. Simon’s not broken.”

“River, you gotta tell me straight.” Mal grabbed her arm and she met his eyes. “What’s this about?”

She tapped at her head. “He wants Simon’s brains and gooey inner bits, the stuff Father made us out of. He wants to make more.”

“More…of Simon?”

She nodded. “Not broken. He will be though…before the bugs are done. He’ll be broken too. They’ll cut, cut, cut…just like me…and then he’ll be all gooey inside and out.”

***

 

Simon screamed. He knew he was screaming, even though he couldn’t hear it. 

He was strapped onto a bed, deprived of his hearing or sight as they cut into him. 

No anesthetic. Just the straps and metal arms and the sharp, excruciating pain. 

He was panting when it finally stopped and the voice filled his head. “Come now Dr. Tam. Certainly you can do better. You’re not even trying.”

Trying. Simon couldn’t even remember what he was supposed to be trying. He remembered being taken off the ship…he remembered it was hot. Dry. 

The voice in his ears was cold. “You need to focus, Simon.”

Focus. River told him to focus. He could focus. He’d always been focused. Could concentrate on microsurgery while senior doctors barked orders around him. Could study through parties. He could focus.

“We’ll go again. This time, pay attention.”

He started to say that he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to pay attention to, but then the pain was back…biting into him. His fists clenched involuntarily and he screamed…at least he was pretty sure he was screaming. He couldn’t tell.

***

 

River sat up screaming, her hands flailing until Inara caught them. “Shh…It’s okay River.” Inara gathered her up into her arms and held her as River opened her eyes and swallowed.

“Simon. I screamed for Simon. He can’t hear.”

Inara brushed a hand over River’s sweaty face. Kaylee appeared at the door. “I heard screaming.”

“River had a nightmare. It’s okay.”

“My mother’s dead.” River said suddenly, pulling away from Inara. “Found her where they left her. She was afraid she’d be alone. Now she is.”

She shivered and pulled the blanket up over her. “Squish. Squish. Squish. Simon’s getting squished.”

***

 

The dark that surrounded him was nearly palpable. It held him, cradled him. There was no up or down, no right or wrong. There was just this existence. It was like being suspended in liquid.

Maybe if he breathed in deep enough he could drown in it.

“Stop being petulant Simon, and sit up straight.”

He looked, turned to a posture that sort of suggested sitting. He was still floating in the black, but his father was standing, irritated. There was no sign of the massive trauma from the knife wounds. There should be blood at least.

His hands were sticky and wet. He looked down. There was the blood. “I killed you.”

“Yes, you did.” He seemed to shrug. “I was dying anyway.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He held up his hands, watching the red ooze over his skin. He should have been wearing gloves. “He looks better in red.”

River had said that once. He looked at his father again. “I used to wonder what it felt like to go crazy.”

“How does it feel?”

“Strange. Sticky. Hurts. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much.”

“There is only so much pain the human mind can withstand before it breaks, Simon. Are you paying attention?”

Simon shook his head. He could feel the device on the back of his neck. He reached for it, running one finger over and around it. It was metal, protruding from his skin a fraction of an inch, maybe an inch in diameter. 

“Are you paying attention?”

“What’s that noise?” Simon turned in the hold of the dark. The buzzing got louder, like…bees.

“You need to pay attention.”

Attention. Off in the distance the noise was joined by light. It bit into the dark, chased it away. Simon crashed to the cold ground, covering his face and head as the light cut into him. 

“You aren’t paying attention Dr. Tam.”

For just a moment, Simon wondered what sort of currency he needed to pay attention, then there were hands dragging him to his feet. Sheriton was there, in his face. “Perhaps we should try a more practical approach. Clearly the mental anguish isn’t enough to draw the gifts to the surface.” His gaze flicked to one of the men holding Simon. “Strap him down and prepare the saw.”

Simon fought weakly as the dragged him to the med-bed, but he was disoriented and hurting. He didn’t know where his father had gone. Maybe the light burned him away with the black.

“According to your father’s documentation, you were genetically altered to exhibit extraordinary intelligence, strength and agility, as well as rudimentary telekinesis and an un-quantified ability with telepathy. I want you to show me.“

“You really are insane.” Simon whispered. “I’m just a doctor.”

“I suspected you might not be aware of how these things work. Thus the pain. It should produce a natural response.” He hefted a surgical saw. “Where should we begin?”

Simon tried to pull away, but the straps held. The saw bit into flesh and Simon screamed again. He screamed and _pushed_ at Sheriton, wishing he actually could move things with his mind as the crazy bastard suggested. 

He could feel blood splattered over his face just before he passed out again.

***

 

Daglin Sheriton was not a man who accepted defeat. 

This entire situation was vexing though. He was fairly convinced he could break the boy, break through the conditioning and coding without completely destroying the amygala as the Feds had done to the girl, but thus far his attempts had been met with a stubborn resistance he was unaccustomed to.

For a doctor, Simon Tam had an incredibly low threshold for pain. Which was proving to be a detriment to the entire torture angle of his plan. He restarted the capture. River Tam hadn’t needed physical torture. The first surgery had opened up her telepathic gifts and what she read in the minds of those who had charge of her was terrifying enough, apparently, to start her on the path of unlocking and utilizing the rest.

He’d seen first hand that the doctors and Alliance brass hadn’t a clue what the girl was capable of, and each new ability that presented sent them scurrying to develop a plan to utilize her.

Sheriton had been dismissed from the project, from his service to the Alliance when he tried to liberate the girl. He did a year on a penal colony, and when he’d been released he knew exactly what he wanted to do.

Gabriel Tam was a brilliant man, but not overly inspired. He considered River and Simon failures and was not interested in starting over. Not until Sheriton dangled a lot of money and spent hours cajoling him with broad ideas of scientific exploration, science for the sake of science and the like. Not that Sheriton had any interest in scientific exploration or science for any other sake than his own.

His dreams were simple. He wanted to control the universe. He wanted to use Gabriel Tam’s breakthrough to breed brilliant doctors and elite soldiers, a squad of the best in everything…all genetically altered and dependent on him.

The device controlling Simon’s physical actions was a prototype. It could only control physical movement, not thought or emotion. The look of horror on his face as he killed his father was priceless.

Which reminded him of the dead bodies in the cell on his ship. He turned away from Simon’s unconscious body and beckoned one of his men. “The good doctor left a mess in the holding cell on the ship. See that it gets cleaned up.”

The man nodded and left and Sheriton went back to appraising the good doctor. His white scrubs were bloody now, his left arm bandaged. Sheriton touched a button on the control at his wrist. “Wake up Simon. We have work to do.”

His eyes opened, filled with fear as they scanned the room and found Sheriton. “Now, that last little bit worked quite nicely. You nearly killed Dr. Alin when you knocked the saw out of my hand. I think that means that we’ve found an appropriate trigger.”

“I-I…what?”

Sheriton smiled and leaned over him. “You pushed me, Simon. Pulled the saw out of my hand. Don’t worry though, you only took two of his toes before we cut the power.” He brushed a strand of hair off Simon’s head. “How do you feel now? Do you think you could try again? I’ve set up a tray of things for you to try.”

Confusion overtook the fear for a moment. “Levitate something.” He gestured to the tray filled with random implements and tools. “Now, before I start cutting into your other arm.”

“Sir?” 

Sheriton turned to his aide. “Sorry to interrupt, sir. There’s a ship on long range sensors. Firefly class.”

Sheriton looked to Simon. “Friends of yours?” Hope flared in his eyes. Sheriton didn’t look away. “Shoot them down. Bring me the bodies. I want them fresh. We’re going to need the DNA.”

***

 

Jayne ducked into a side corridor as men in uniform went scurrying past. “Worse than a gorram core planet.” He peered around the corner and adjusted his uniform. It fit better than the last one, other than the tightness in the crotch.

It was obvious they were on some moon or planet. His brief glimpse outside said it as a small settlement, largely industrial compound. Judging from the security whoever ran the place had a persecution complex…or was up to no good.

Good folk didn’t need armed guards in their own homes.

They were also going to need a ride off the rock when he finally found Simon and kicked his ass for sticking him the way he had. The wound in his stomach had stopped bleeding and it wasn’t deep, but he was right sore over it just the same.

As far as Jayne was concerned, him and the doc were even on the whole trying to kill each other scheme of things.

Right now what he needed was to figure out where they were and how to get them gone. Provided he could even find the doc.

He ducked into an alcove to avoid yet another group of guards. Whoever this guy was, he had a lot of manpower. Money too, judging from the ship and what Jayne had seen so far of the facility.

Might mean stuff worth lifting. Maybe make this whole mess worth something after all. He slipped back into the hallway and picked a direction. It didn’t help that he didn’t know where he was or where to start looking for anything other than the ship they’d come on…which might not be all that simple either now that he thought about it.

He stopped and stared at a sign on the wall. He was fairly certain he’d already passed it at least once. He was going in circles.

Jayne growled and shook his head. He needed to get the lay of the land.

***

 

River threw herself into the co-pilot’s chair and wrenched the controls, swerving them off course. Mal cussed at her and grabbed the controls back, just as a blast sizzled past them. 

He chewed on his words for a second, but let go of the controls as she wrenched them again. “Warn me—“

“No time.” She bit her lip and sent them into a steep dive, then threw a switch that would leave a long smoke trail behind them. “Kaylee, be ready.”

“Ready.” Kaylee’s reply was tinny over the comm..

“Ready?” Mal asked, crossing his arms. “Do I want to know—“

“Now.” River pulled up on the controls, leveling them off. The ship shuddered and rocked as something exploded behind them.

“River. What are you blowing up?”

She guided the ship up over a ridge and landed it soft as you please before she turned to him. “Needed to make it look like _Serenity_ blew up. Kaylee helped me.”

Mal took a deep breath. “Yes, but what did you actually blow up?”

“Weren’t nothing but a bunch of broken old engine bits and a whole bunch of oil and a bunch of grenades, Cap’n.” Kaylee said as she came onto the bridge.

“Oh.” Mal had to admit it was a good idea. “Still, you need to warn me when you’re going to—“ 

“I’ve got the mule prepped and ready to go.” Kaylee interrupted. 

Zoe joined them, tucking guns into the holsters at her hips. “Ready.”

“I am still captain of this ship, am I not?” Mal stood. The sooner he got his men back the better. This being the only male on the boat was getting difficult.

Zoe shrugged. “Figured we’re going in after our men.”

Mal nodded. “We are. But I haven’t said that yet.”

“Sorry sir.”

“We need a plan.” Mal looked at River.

River looked back at him. “I got you this far.”

“We need a plan."

 

Jayne slid to a stop and threw himself into a side corridor as a door opened and Sheriton emerged with two other men. “See that he isn’t disturbed. I want him to feel the pain for a while.”

He watched Sheriton’s back retreat, then moved to the door. It wasn’t even locked. He opened it and slipped into the room. “Doc?”

Simon was strapped to a table in the center of the room, looking like hell. Both arms were wrapped in white bandages soaked in blood. His face was bruised and there was a deep gash down one cheek.

“Who are you?”

Jayne turned to the source of the voice, a white haired man in a lab coat. “I was sent to watch the prisoner – er- patient.”

The man squinted at him and reached for the nearest console. “I don’t think—“

He didn’t finish as Jayne punched him hard, knocking him to the floor. “Doc? Can you hear me?”

Jayne set his gun on the bed next to Simon and set about un-strapping him. “Come on Doc, wake up.” He got Simon’s feet free and moved to work on his hands. He stopped as he got to Simon’s head. There was a bloody mark in the center of his forehead, like someone had stuck him with a giant needle.

Simon groaned and his eyes fluttered open. Jayne shivered as Simon’s eyes caught his, empty, blank…then Simon blinked. “Jayne?”

“We gotta go. Can you walk?”

Simon’s eyes closed again as Jayne undid the last of the straps. “I don’t know. I’m not even sure you’re real. My father wasn’t real.”

“You killed him.” Jayne said. “Of course he wasn’t real.” He helped Simon sit up.

“I was supposed to kill you too.”

Jayne held up the uniform shirt. “Nearly did.”

“You need stitches…antibiotics…”

“Later, Doc. Right now I need to get us gone. Can you walk?”

He nodded and swung his feet down. He barely had one on the floor and was shaking his head instead. “No.” He reached for Jayne’s shoulder, then winced in pain and cradled his hand to his chest. “What did they do to me?”

“I don’t know. We’ll figure it out later.” He scanned the room and found a wheel chair in the corner. He fetched it and helped Simon into it. 

“We’ll never get out of here like this.” 

“You just sit tight and leave that to me.” Jayne started for the door. “All we gotta do is get back to the ship without getting seen, get inside, get it started and get outta atmo before someone catches us.”

Simon nodded. “Right. Piece of cake. What was I thinking?”

“Glad to see they ain’t cut that sense of humor out of you yet.”

***

 

“I said a plan.” Mal shook his head. 

“It is a plan.” River said, looking up at him with innocent eyes.

“A plan for getting shot.” Mal took a deep breath. “I’m not aiming at getting shot.”

“It won’t take them long to figure that explosion wasn’t _Serenity_.” Zoe crossed her arms. “Maybe direct is best.”

“You can be sure that Sheriton is well armed.” Inara said, turning them to a screen showing schematics. “These are old, but all I could get before we were too far out of the core. It seems like this area here is a landing bay with a weapons array here.” She looked up at Mal. “You can bet he has his own personal guard.”

“Megalomaniacs always do.” Mal agreed. “Okay where do you think they’re keeping our boys?”

Inara shook her head and tracked along a corridor. “This looks like holding cells. There’s also this area.” She dragged her finger in a large circle. “Can’t tell what it is, but it’s shielded better than the rest of the compound. My contact indicated that Sheriton had been ordering a lot of high end medical equipment.”

“Squish.” River reached over Inara’s shoulder and pressed a finger at the center of the area. “Squish, suck. Simon’s there.”

“Zoe, you keep an eye on River. Go get the doc. I’ll look for Jayne.”

“What about me and ‘Nara?” Kaylee asked.

Mal sighed. “I need you two to stay here and keep _Serenity_ ready to fly. We’re going in and getting out. Fast as we can.”

***

 

“Faster. Faster is better.” Simon said. His heart hammered in a frightening rhythm. They were going to get caught. They turned a corner and Jayne skidded to a halt, turned them and started back the way they’d come, only to spin yet again, narrowly missing the blow meant for his face. The wheelchair hit the wall and Simon spilled out of it onto the floor, slamming his knee into the stone.

His vision swam and he fought to stay conscious. Blacking out now would be bad. Jayne’s big hand was on the back of his neck, hefting him and then Simon was dangling over Jayne’s shoulder.

“Sorry about this Doc.” He was running and Simon was watching his buttocks. He’d never noticed but Jayne was really in very good shape.

At least he was until the bullet tore through his shoulder and they both went careening to the ground.

“Notify Mr. Sheriton that we have prisoners.”

Simon was aware of being picked up and put back into the wheel chair. His head hurt. Again. He saw the gun in Jayne’s face and thought about it floating away. He was shocked when it flew out of the guard’s hand.

“Very good, Simon. Now stop.”

The gun clattered to the ground. Jayne was forced to his knees. Simon wanted to hurt Sheriton. Badly. The gun rattled on the floor, lifted. Sheriton pressed a button on the device at his wrist and Simon gasped for air, coming close to blacking out.

“Well, I see that our control is not nearly as complete as I’d like. I thought I told you to kill him.”

“Rebellious.” Simon choked out, holding his throat as his airways closed.

“So I see. I said stop.”

Simon stopped fighting, just stopped. The gun clattered to the floor and the death grip on his lungs eased up. Simon collapsed against the floor and concentrated on not passing out.

“Bring him. Apparently we need to cut deeper. Let’s get the good doctor back to the lab. Bring the barbarian. He might provide incentive.”

Simon looked up as the chair turned. “River.” He could feel her. 

Sheriton smiled at him. “If she was aboard the Firefly you call _Serenity_ , she’s dead. We blew it out of the sky.”

Simon shook his head lightly. “My sister isn’t that easy to kill.”

“Your sister was insane. I was hoping to get what I wanted from you without doing the same to you.”

“At least I’ll be in good company.” Simon had no idea why he felt the need to egg the man on. It was only going to get them all killed.

He was sure it was River. That she was nearby. She was coming for him. He wasn’t quite sure if that made him more afraid or relieved.

***

 

“Squish.” River whispered. She grabbed Zoe’s arm and turned them down a corridor. “Too late.”

“Don’t say that.” Zoe led with her gun, but so far they hadn’t met more than a toke of the force they’d been expecting. “We keep moving.”

She could feel him. He was reaching out to her, telling her where he was. Afraid. It rolled off him, through the walls. He was afraid. But it was fading. The fear. They were cutting into him wrong.

Wrong. Like there was a right way to cut into a person’s brain and squish them into goo. River giggled and Zoe looked at her sharply. “Sorry.”

The sound of boots, running. They ducked back into a side corridor and watched four armed men go running past. When they were gone, Zoe led them back into the corridor. River pointed and they set off to find Simon. 

River only hoped there was a Simon left to find.

***

 

Jayne struggled, but the restraints held. He watched as they strapped Simon back down. The old man was up and angry. He was talking to Sheriton, pointing at Jayne. Jayne smiled. The guard next to him smacked his head.

“I’m tired of coaxing, I’m ready to use brute force. We need to know how it works.”

“It could kill him.” The old man moved to Simon, flashing a light in his eyes. “Especially with that damn device in him. We don’t know enough about how it works.”

“Well, I’m afraid Dr. Peller wasn’t all that forth coming with the information, was he?”

“You killed him before I could make him talk.”

Sheriton was clearly irritated. That only became more true when he was interrupted by a man in uniform. Sheriton hit him when he was done talking. “How? Never mind. Just take care of it.”

Jayne looked from Sheriton to Simon. Simon’s eyes were closed and he looked like he was concentrating. 

_River is here._

Jayne jerked, surprised. The words weren’t heard. They were just there in his head. _Don’t freak out._

He wasn’t freaking out, exactly. He squirmed. It weren’t right. He could feel Simon inside him, hunkering down as the doctor person came at Simon’s body with some instrument. _Distract them….keep him off of me until—_

Simon’s scream ripped through Jayne, battering him between the actual sound and the feeling as the needle penetrated. It was almost like it was sinking into Jayne’s own skull.

Suddenly Sheriton was in his face and Jayne realized he was screaming. Sheriton turned his head. His grin was wicked. “Tell me you were already recording,” he said over his shoulder. The older man nodded. “He’s in there, isn’t he? You can feel him.”

“No offense, but you know you’re bonkers, right?” Jayne managed, swallowing against the feeling of Sheriton’s hand on his throat. 

“Cut it loose.” Sheriton said to the doctor who moved in on Simon again.

Jayne could feel Simon fighting, trying to make his body move, but it was Jayne’s body that responded. His foot came up and slammed into Sheriton’s groin. The restraints binding his hands came loose and Jayne lurched forward. His hands closed around Sheriton’s neck and he squeezed. 

The guards in the room had guns in their hands, but they backed away as Jayne moved him and Sheriton toward Simon. “Back off the doc, Doc.” Jayne grumbled and the old man lifted his hands free of the needle in Simon’s skull. Jayne could still feel Simon inside him, but he was quiet, unmoving. “Simon.”

His eyes opened, blinked. “Release me.” The words were Simon’s but they came out of Jayne’s mouth. No one moved. Jayne squeezed Sheriton’s throat.

“Do it.”

The doctor reached for the release. Simon sat up. “You shouldn’t move.” The old man hovered as Simon looked at him.

“Pull it out.” This time Simon managed to make his own mouth say the words…which Jayne appreciated because the whole thing was starting to really get under his skin.

“Son, I’ve just cut into your brain, I really think you should—“

Simon’s head turned. “I said, take it out.”

Jayne wasn’t sure that was the best idea Simon had ever had. _I won’t feel it_ the Simon in his head said. The doctor’s hands moved to the needle and it pulled from Simon’s forehead.

“Now the controller.” Simon leaned forward, exposing the round silver device on the back of his neck.

“I can’t. I don’t know…” The old man licked his lips. “It isn’t a technology I’m familiar with.”

Simon turned to Sheriton. “Tell him how to remove it.”

Sheriton’s eyes fell on the wrist remote. Jayne ripped it off his arm and tossed it to Simon. Suddenly Simon wasn’t inside Jayne anymore. Jayne staggered a little, falling into Sheriton. Simon’s head cocked to the side. Sheriton mimicked the motion.

Simon’s fingers pressed to the device. There was a popping sound, then the silver circle fell to the med bed behind him. Simon closed his eyes, swaying a little.

“Doc?” Jayne could hear boots headed their way. More men. With guns. They needed to move.

“Let him go, Jayne.” Simon said softly. “I’ve got him.”

Jayne’s hands fell away and Sheriton straightened. Simon slipped off the bed. He looked woozy and pale, but he stepped to Sheriton’s side. The door opened and six more men poured into the room. “Stay here.” Sheriton ordered, stepping toward the door. Simon moved with him, and Jayne had to scramble to keep up.

“Seal them in.” Simon’s voice was softer still, as if he couldn’t spare the energy to talk. He was sweating, shaking.

“Simon, you don’t look so good.”

“Seal them in.” Simon repeated, turning to look down the hall. “I can’t keep this up forever. We have to find River.”

***

 

Mal scoured the corridors that they’d thought would hold the detention cells, but other than a guard sleeping off a drunk, he didn’t find anything. Not until he circled back out to try to follow in Zoe’s footsteps.

That’s when he spotted the piles of cargo just sitting. Abandoned. 

Right next to a transport perfect for getting the whole lot back to _Serenity_. Inara had said Sheriton was buying medical supplies and equipment. Medical supplies and equipment would bring excellent prices.

He circled the cargo and shook his head. He had priorities. He had to get his people out. Maybe there’d be enough time to come back for it.

Mal reoriented himself and picked a direction, setting off at a jog. “Zoe, where are you?” Mal asked into the radio as he ran into a dead end.

“River says we’re close.” Zoe’s voice was quiet. 

“Close to what, exactly?”

“Don’t rightly know, sir. She’s rambling about ducks.”

“What?” He turned back and set off down another corridor. 

“Ducks, duck ponds, bills…Have you found Jayne yet, sir?”

“He ain’t down here, I’m coming to you.”

“Jayne’s a girl’s name.” River’s voice came through. “Duck.”

A blast went ripping past his head and he ducked away, scrambling for cover. He shook his head, cursing as he raised his gun to return fire. “I’m cut off.”

“There!” River’s voice rippled over the wave. “Found him. Wait here.”

“Zoe?”

She sighed in his ear. “She left me, sir. Thinks she found Simon.”

“Let’s hope Jayne is still with him.”

***

 

Zoe ducked back into the room behind her to avoid the patrol in the hall. Obviously their plan had gone the way it usually did and the whole place was looking for them. 

“Wait here. Right.” She looked around her. It was some sort of lab. Clean. White. It bugged her. Like it wasn’t real. Real was messy. Dirty.

She ran a finger over the labels on the nearest shelf. Most of it made no sense to her, but it looked valuable. She scanned around her for a bag. No sense in leaving empty handed.

***

Simon really wasn’t looking very good. Blood formed a long line down his face, from the hole in his forehead, down his nose. It was disconcerting. He was staring at Sheriton. Jayne watched as Sheriton shuffled another step forward. 

Simon sagged, leaning against the wall and gasping. Sheriton staggered, then whirled. Jayne punched him hard in the face and Sheriton fell to the floor in a crumpled pile of limbs.

“Doc?” Jayne leaned in close. Simon was sweaty and his eyes glazed over. “Hey. You don’t look so good.”

Simon tried to look at him, but his head just flopped back like his neck couldn’t hold it. “Two. You. Makes me dizzy.” 

Jayne got a hand on him just before Simon would have fallen, pressing him into the wall. “Come on Doc, don’t go buggy on me just yet.”

He looked back the way they’d come to see if they were being followed. It was going to be harder to get out of there without Simon working Sheriton the way he had. “Can you walk?”

“Do I have feet?” Simon asked, trying to look down. He got distracted by Jayne’s fist holding his shirt. “Oh…you have big hands. So big.” His finger traced over the veins on the back of Jayne’s hands, then looked up with a grin. “You know what they say about big hands.”

Jayne looked at him, looked at him hard. He shook him. “Simon. I swear I will put you over my gorram shoulder if I have to.”

Simon pressed a hand over the bloody hole on his forehead. “They cut me and bled me and squished me all up.”

“Made you into goo.”

Jayne whirled, but River held up her hands, a gun nearly as big as her arm in the one. He started to let go of Simon, but grabbed him again when he started sliding.

“River…my sister River…beautiful River.” He stopped and looked at Jayne, his eyes wide. “River isn’t a girl. It’s a body of water.”

“Great. I get stuck with both the crazy ones.” 

“This way. We have to hurry.” River beckoned them.

Jayne exhaled in a huff. “Of course we have to hurry. When don’t we have to hurry?”

He bent at the waist and lifted Simon up over his shoulder like he had before. It made him remember that he’d gotten shot the last time. Weren’t like him to forget a thing like that.

“I dulled the pain.” Simon said as Jayne set off down the hall. “It’s going to hurt later.”

Jayne glanced behind him and shook his head. River was already around the corner and beckoning him closer. Jayne followed, stopping at one of the downed guards to grab himself a gun.

He felt a hand on his ass and stopped. “Doc?”

“You have a very nice butt.” Simon said, his hand rubbing over one cheek. “I never noticed. Big hands and nice butt. Jayne Cobb. Nice butt.”

River bent around Jayne and looked at her brother. “You can look at his butt later Simon. We have to go.”

“Hey. No one is looking at my butt.” Jayne protested. Simon’s hand petted him. “Stop that.” 

***

 

“Zoe?”

“Sir?” Zoe opened the door slowly, looking both ways before easing back into the corridor. 

“Any sign of River?”

“Depends on your meaning of sign, sir.” Zoe stepped over several dead guards and moved in the direction River had run. 

“I was thinking of signs like her hair or dress or you know - **her**.”

“Can’t rightly say, sir. Lots of bodies though.” 

She moved through a patch of four or five of them.

“That sounds like our girl.”

Zoe heard the sounds of feet and voices. She melted against the wall, until she heard Jayne clear as day. “Stop your yammering.”

She stepped out and River stopped, cocking her head and blinking. “Found them.”

“Very good. You all right Jayne?”

“No, I am not all right. I got shot. Again. Every time with these two. I got shot and the doc here, he ain’t right in the head.”

“Squish.” River said, pointing to her forehead. Simon, who was slung over Jayne’s shoulder, wiggled around until Zoe could see his face.

“Jayne has a nice butt.”

Zoe looked at Jayne. “I see what you mean.”

“Can we just get out of here?” Jayne asked. 

“Zoe, what in all hell fire is going on?”

“River found Jayne and Simon. We’re coming to you.”

Zoe took point, leading them back the way she and River had come in. The way was clear until they reached the final junction of corridors before the landing bay. The captain was pinned down at the far end, the way out. She peered round the corner. She pointed right and held up four fingers. Then she inched forward just a little and looked again. Left. Five fingers.

Jayne nodded and lowered Simon to the ground before he lifted his stolen gun, moving to the opposite side of the corridor so that he could hit the men on the left. Zoe whispered into her radio. “Might want to keep your head down, sir.”

Zoe counted to three, then fired. Jayne fired across from her. 

River must have thought she was clean up, judging from the way she went sliding into the middle on her belly, firing rapidly. When the smoke cleared, the hall was cleared. Jayne pulled Simon up, though she noticed that he chose to lift him up in his arms like he was a baby rather than throwing him back over his shoulder.

Simon’s arms circled Jayne’s neck almost immediately and he closed his eyes, pressing his face against Jayne’s shoulder. It was kind of sweet. In a disturbing sort of way. 

Mal was standing in the hallway with River. His eyes met Zoe’s, then flashed at Jayne. “He all right?”

“Does he look all right?” Jayne countered, hefting the apparently sleeping doctor. “Can we go now? He might not look it, but he’s heavy.”

“Zoe, get back to the mule with River. I’ve got us another way out.” Mal headed them back to the landing bay. “Kaylee, make sure we’re ready to take off. We’re coming to you hot.” Mal said into his radio. 

“Watch your back, sir.” 

***

 

“Kaylee, get us in the air.” Mal hit the switch to close the doors to the cargo bay and turned to find Jayne still sitting with Simon in his lap. “Best get you two up to the infirmary, get you tended.”

Jayne stirred, looked at Mal with bloodshot eyes. The big man was exhausted, blood soaked. In his arms, Simon stirred. He raised his head and looked at Jayne like he didn’t understand why he was in Jayne’s lap, then looked to Mal.

“Captain?”

Mal smiled. “Good to see you all functional Doc.”

“I don’t know as I’d say that.” Simon rubbed his head. “Where are we?”

“On _Serenity_ , just making atmo. You up to moving?”

Simon looked at Jayne again, his eyes falling on the bullet wound still seeping blood. “He got shot.”

“I can see. Don’t look all that bad though. It’ll patch up fine.”

“Simon!” River came running from the catwalk and Simon smiled slightly.

He extricated himself from Jayne and sank to the floor of the cargo bay. River slung an arm around his back to support him. 

“You get him up to the infirmary, little one. I’ll be right along behind.”

“Don’t worry about anything Simon, I’m going to take care of you.”

Mal blinked and turned to Jayne. He poked him. “Hey.”

Jayne turned slowly, looking down at his chest. “He said it would hurt later.”

Mal caught him as he slumped. “Zoe, meet me in the infirmary.”

“On my way sir.”

There’d been a time Jayne had tried to sell Simon and his sister. Mal had nearly killed the big man over it. Hadn’t ever fully trusted him after. Had never seen him like this before either.

Jayne leaned heavily into Mal as they made their way through the ship, and stopped them when they got to the infirmary door. Simon lay on the bed, his eyes closed. Zoe was already there, checking over his wounds. 

Jayne’s eyes were dark and they narrowed as they watched Zoe’s fingers remove the bandages that covered deep cuts in Simon’s arms. They had obviously tortured the doctor, though Mal was hard pressed to guess why.

Simon moaned as Zoe’s fingers brushed the wound and Jayne looked away. Mal helped him sit off to the side and started gathering bandages and such to attend Jayne’s own wound. “You gonna tell me what happened?”

Jayne was uncharacteristically quiet. He didn’t look up, even when Mal started cutting the uniform shirt off him.

“We were leaving, and River went missing.” Jayne’s voice was flat, dry. “I took the loot to the shuttle and went back to find them. Got nabbed.”

Mal nodded, peeling blood soaked shirt from the wound. “Got that much, seeing as the cargo came with River and you didn’t.”

“Sheriton…man’s insane. Thought Simon could read minds and move stuff with his mind. Put a thing on him.” Jayne pointed to the back of his neck with his good hand. “Controlled Simon. Made him kill his father.”

“Not Father.” River said from Simon’s side. “Not in the traditional sense.”

“He was supposed to kill me too, but didn’t.” Jayne squinted up at Mal. “Can’t figure it. Heard him ask for help, but he never said a word.”

Mal glanced over his shoulder at Simon. “He killed his old man?”

Jayne nodded. “Stabbed him. Bled him. Saw the whole thing.” He twitched a little as Mal cleaned the wound. “They tortured him.” Jayne looked up at him, then away. “Cut him up. Cut into his brain.”

Jayne was pale, washed out and the glazed over eyes were closing. He leaned back against the wall. “Heard him.”

Mal finished bandaging the gunshot wound and rummaged around for pain meds. “You best be getting some rest. Let us tend to the doc.” 

He turned to Zoe. “He’s cut up right good, sir. Not sure I can be much help.” She held her hands away and Mal could see the bones of Simon’s arm. 

“Do the best you can. I’ll see how far we are from a settlement with a doctor.”

***

 

Simon was aware he wasn’t on _Serenity_ , nor was he back in custody. His left arm was heavily bandaged. His right arm was in a splint. There were drugs in his system. 

He opened his eyes slowly. He was in some clinic of some kind. He wasn’t alone. To his surprise, it wasn’t River asleep in the chair beside him. He blinked and looked at the big man slumped in the chair.

He was bare-chested, his left shoulder and side bandaged. Jayne must have felt his eyes and lifted his head. For a long time neither of them said anything. Simon blinked slowly. “Where are we?” His voice was scratchy, like he hadn’t used it in a while.

“Sophanie. Medic Mal knows patched us up.”

Simon nodded slowly. Whatever the drugs were, they took the edge off the bizarre gifts. He looked at Jayne wondering if he’d ever be able to do the things he did to Sheriton again. “I’m sorry.”

Jayne frowned at him. “I tried to kill you.” Simon said.

Jayne actually smiled. “I guess we’ll call us even then.”

“How’s your shoulder?”

Jayne looked at the bandages. “I’ll live. Weren’t helped with having to carry your ass out.”

Simon ran a hand over his forehead. “I may have over done it a little.”

He snorted. “You might say. You’ve been out cold for a week.”

“Well, there was torture, and the whole brain surgery thing.” In fact, he should probably be in a lot worse shape. “You could have left me there.”

There was no answer for a long time. Then Jayne stood and looked down at him. “You’re a part of my crew, doc. Don’t reckon I could leave your scrawny ass behind. Even if you did try to kill me.” Jayne touched the bandages on his side. “Thank you, by the way. For not killing me.”

Simon smiled. “Figure that makes us even…since you didn’t leave me there.” His head was starting to hurt.

“Thought I heard talking in here.”

Simon looked up to find Mal in the door. “’Bout time you woke up Doc. Been sitting on this rock for days.”

“Captain.”

“Well, I got stuff.” Jayne sidled past Mal and Simon sighed.

“How you feeling?” Mal came closer and Simon shrugged.

“Like someone poked around in my brains and cut my arms up.”

“Fair assessment.”

“Sheriton?”

It was Mal’s turn to sigh. “Not a peep on the cortex. Not in the mood to go find out.”

Simon shifted, uncomfortable in more ways than the physical. “He was…insane.”

“Jayne tells me you stood up to some mighty painful torture.” Mal met his gaze then and held it. Simon got the impression there was pride there. Pride and respect.

It wasn’t necessarily something he was used to from the captain. “He was trying to push me into using…” He couldn’t bring himself to use the word “gifts”, so he just gestured at his head. “I…never knew. My father…” Simon cleared his throat. His father who wasn’t his father. “He created us. River and me.”

Mal nodded. “Got some of that in River’s more lucid moments.” He crossed his arms and looked down at Simon. “Need you to rest up, get on your feet. Got us a job on Persephone waiting.”

Simon offered a small smile. “I’ll do my best, Captain.”

His best. 

He held up his left had, wishing he could see past the bandages. 

“It was cut clean to bone. Lucky nothing important got in the way.”

Simon looked up. A man in a lab coat and an incredibly ridiculous mustache was leaning on the door. “I cleaned it out, stitched it up. Other arm wasn’t as much a mess. Be a while ‘for you’re doing surgery again though.”

He came into the room and tossed a pad on Simon’s lap. “Figured, being a doctor and all, you’d want to see. It’s your head that’s got me befuddled.”

“Befuddled?”

The man touched the pad and Simon found himself looking down at a brain. “See here? You can trace the surgical path…right down to the amygdala.”

Simon traced the outline. It looked like a tongue, still connected at the base, but loose, like a flap. “Not sure what they was trying to do. Might know more with better equipment, but we’re just a mining colony here. Not much need to for the high tech stuff.”

He squinted at the image. Damage like that…there was no way to predict how it would affect him. With River, they’d eliminated the entire amygdala, left her unable to regulate fear, anger, pain. Left her vulnerable to the extremes of emotion and pre-programmed responses.

“Swelling seems to have gone down, and you woke up on your own.”

“They were trying to cut it out.” Simon said, tracing the outline again. “But they got interrupted.”

“Strange thing to want to cut out.”

“Yeah, it is.”

He set aside the pad and sighed. He wasn’t sure why, but he wanted to get moving. He wanted to go home. To _Serenity_. “So how long until I can get back to my crew?”

“Nothing keeping ya’ here. Figure you can sleep more comfortable in your own bed, right? I can give you something for the pain, to take with you.”

Simon shook his head and swung his legs to the floor. “I’ve got meds, Doctor. Don’t worry.” He stood slowly, testing his ability to stand. 

“Mal will be happy to get back in the air. Never did much like being stuck planetside.”

“I’m beginning to agree with him.” Simon said. It felt…sticky. Oppressive. His head throbbed. Not as bad as that day at his father’s house…but it was enough to convince him that maybe he should lay down again. Soon. “Thanks for everything, Doctor.”

***

 

“Gave Doc Severen the fancy x-ray machine for fixing you up, but the rest…I reckon you know better than me what it’s worth.”

Simon looked over the haul of equipment and supplies appreciatively. “Very nice Captain. We’ll be eating good for quite some time.”

“Course, that’ll depend on if we can unload it.”

Simon nodded. “I’ll mark what we can sell on the outer planets and outposts. Some of this though…frontier doctors don’t need all this.”

“I got some buyers lined up for those medicines and what not. There might be interest in some of the rest.”

“Persephone?” Simon asked, looking up. Mal nodded.

“One of the buyers I have in mind for my books is there too. I’ll contact him when we’re close enough.”

“Mind I ask you something?” Mal asked, putting down the imager in his hand.

Simon shook his head. “No, of course not.”

“You all right? You been mighty quiet since we left Sophanie.” Mal held up his hand before Simon could respond. “I mean, a man goes through the like of your ordeal, it’s a thing to deal with. But you ain’t said much about the thing with your head, and Doc Severen said it might change you some.”

“You want to know if I’m going to go crazy, like River.”

Mal looked uneasy. “Thought did cross my mind.”

Simon nodded. “I’ve studied the scans. Obviously, I’m not going to react the same as River. It will likely affect the way I handle fear responses, at the very least. I haven’t noticed any overwhelming panic, or uncontrollable rage…so…I doubt you have anything to worry about.”

He went back to cataloguing equipment. Mal nodded. “Good to know.”

Simon didn’t tell him that he hadn’t felt any fear. No anger. No grief. No remorse. Even when he dreamed about killing his father, when he felt the blood hot on his hands. 

Thinking about it logically, it should worry him. But that was something else he hadn’t felt, not since he woke up on Sophanie. 

He didn’t tell the captain either about the drugs he kept taking, even though he wasn’t really in any pain. Didn’t tell him how when he didn’t take them, he’d lay in his bed and listen to the dreams of everyone around him. Didn’t tell him how when he didn’t take them he found himself in Jayne’s bunk because he felt…something…there with him. Something that wasn’t numb or dry or disconnected…or worse, so connected he couldn’t breathe without feeling someone else’s lungs fill with air.

And that bothered Simon a lot more than the absence of fear.

***

 

Jayne hunkered down at the bar with his hand wrapped around a mug of beer. He kept his head down and concentrated on drinking. Maybe if he drank enough he could wash it all out of his brain…the feeling of Simon inside him…his thoughts, his words.

It was unnatural.

Jayne drank down the beer and banged the glass on the bar for more. Pipsqueak freak of a doctor who couldn’t seem to keep himself out of trouble and somehow it was always Jayne’s job to get him out of it.

More than that, Jayne couldn’t stop thinking about it. The first night out of Sophanie, Jayne had woke to Simon sitting on the floor in his quarters, staring. Jayne found himself staring too, at himself, through Simon’s eyes. They hadn’t talked about it. Jayne huddled on his bunk. Simon huddled on the floor and they stared, until Simon took a deep breath, muttered an apology and left him alone.

Jayne’s dreams were all jacked up too. From watching Simon slice his father up to the way Simon controlled Sheriton. He’d seen plenty folk die, and had had a hand in more than a few folk dying…but this was different. 

Like Simon was a life-size puppet and Sheriton had his hand up inside him. And Simon had returned the favor. Jayne hadn’t ever seen anything like it.

Then there was the whole bit where Simon had _touched_ him.

And that weren’t natural either.

It had Jayne all manner of disconcerted. All manner. He tended to avoid Simon. Kept to his bunk, ate alone. It was easier.

For his part, Simon seemed to understand and keep to himself. Right now he was off selling books or some gorram thing. Jayne tossed off the last of his beer and signaled for another.

There was a scuffle in the corner. Jayne turned, thinking maybe there’d be a fight, something to distract himself with. What he saw instead was Simon getting shoved into a corner by a big guy. He couldn’t hear what was said, but Jayne got the decided impression that it wasn’t good. Before he’d even thought it through, he was headed across the room. 

Simon’s eyes met his. Jayne stopped. He could feel him. He was…amused. Jayne looked at the big man who was turning now to see what Simon was staring at. Jayne cleared his throat. “You might want to let him go.”

“Yeah? What’s it to you?”

Jayne stepped closer. “Well, nothing, exactly, but he’s my friend. I don’t let other people pummel my friends.”

Simon raised his still bandaged hands. “He’s not kidding.”

“Your friend here is a cheat.” The guy let Simon go. “Wants twice what the merchandise is worth.”

“Like you would know what a book of poetry from Earth-that-was is worth?” Simon brushed a hand over his coat and reached casually for the book. “As I said, if you don’t want it, I will take it elsewhere.”

Simon’s left eye was starting to bruise. For some reason it made Jayne’s blood boil. He pushed the guy back a step and grabbed the book from Simon’s hands. “Come on, we’re leaving.”

Simon smiled and it was so wrong, so out of place, Jayne didn’t know what to make of it. He grabbed Simon by the upper arm and pulled him toward the doors. “I’m fine. Let go.”

“You are not fine, you’re crazy.” Jayne pushed him up the stairs. “What were you thinking? Trying to sell something like that in a place like this.”

Simon looked confounded as Jayne pushed him out into the stale air of Eavesdown. “You didn’t get a close enough look at Death?” Jayne released him and growled. He didn’t know why he was so angry, or why Simon wasn’t afraid. “That guy back there could have killed you.”

Simon crossed his arms and looked at Jayne like he was the crazy one. “I was perfectly safe Jayne.”

“No, you wasn’t.” Jayne stalked back to him holding the book up between them. “Shit like this? It’ll get you dead. You can’t sell it here.”

Simon raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really? I thought you could buy or sell anything here.”

“Maybe some can, but not you.” Jayne licked his lips. “Okay. Come with me. Keep your head down, and don’t say a word.”

Simon looked amused. Jayne’s heart pounded in his chest. He couldn’t believe he was even considering what it was he was considering. When Simon wasn’t following close enough, Jayne reached back to tug him along.

***

 

On some level, Simon realized he should have been afraid. He rationalized it by telling himself that he knew Jayne was there, that he knew Jayne would protect him.

Which was ridiculous, of course. Their relationship was strained at best these days. Jayne avoided him at every turn. Not that Simon could blame him. Jayne had watched him kill his father, nearly kill Jayne. Simon had used Jayne without permission, crawled inside his head, controlled his body. That’s not the kind of thing a man like Jayne copes with easily.

Not that Simon was coping with it spectacularly. He was drugging himself to keep it at bay, to pretend nothing was different. 

Simon looked up at the chrome and glass building Jayne led him into. Jayne was nervous, fidgety. They crossed to a security desk and Jayne spoke with the woman behind it for a minute, then she was pointing them away, toward a long hall.

“I swear, if you tell anyone, I’ll kick your ass.” Jayne said as they stopped in front of a door and he knocked. 

“I don’t even know what it is we’re doing.”

The door opened and the woman on the other side put one hand on her hip. “Well, well. Jayne Cobb. I didn’t expect I’d be seeing you ever again.”

“Vera.” Jayne played with the book, then sort of turned to Simon. “This here’s my friend, Simon. Simon, Vera.”

Vera, like the gun. Simon swept eyes over her. She was pretty, dressed like she had money. “Well, come on in, no sense littering up the hallway.” She stepped aside and Simon followed Jayne into the apartment. “I expect this isn’t a social call?”

Jayne thrust the book at her. “Thought you might be interested.”

She held the book carefully and opened it, ruffling through the pages. “Very nice. Not something I’d expect you to get your hands on.”

“The book is mine, ma’am.” Simon said, stepping forward. “I have several more as well. “

She smiled and Simon wasn’t sure how to read the expression. “You’re not something I’d expect him to get his hands on either.” 

Jayne cleared his throat and shifted his feet. “You want it or not?”

She pouted at him. “I’m not really in the market right now, but I might know some people. How long you on Persephone, boys?”

“Not long.” Jayne growled. 

“Pity. We could have some fun.” She ran a hand over Jayne’s chest. Jayne looked decidedly uncomfortable. “Why don’t you sit down. I’ll make a few calls.”

Simon rubbed at his head as they moved to sit down. It was starting to throb. A sign that the meds were wearing off. He sighed and watched Jayne start to sit, then stand again when Vera returned to the room. “Can I get you boys a drink? Something to eat?”

“Just make the gorram calls.” Jayne growled. 

“Why are you so testy?” Simon asked when she was gone again. “She seems like a lovely person.”

“She’s not a lovely woman.” _She’s my wife._

Simon heard the last part just as if Jayne had spoken it. “Wife?” Simon stood and Jayne’s face flushed red. “I didn’t know you were married.”

Jayne shook his head. “Get outta my head doc.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean—“

Jayne grabbed his lapel and nearly lifted him off the floor. “It ain’t natural.” Jayne shook him. “I can’t stop feeling you in my head. I can’t sleep for it. You gotta stop. You hear me?”

Simon blinked and nodded. “Yes, Jayne, I hear you. I’m sorry.” He hadn’t realized how deeply the big man was affected by it, but now, so close, with Jayne’s hands fisted in his clothes, Simon could sense it…fear, discomfort, everything Simon should be feeling and wasn’t. 

“Oh, am I interrupting something?” The both turned to Vera who was looking at them, one eyebrow arching up into her hairline. “Don’t stop on my account. I always did like to watch. Remember Jayne?”

Jayne’s face went even redder. He let go of Simon and took a step back. “It ain’t like that, Vera.”

“Pity.” She pouted at them again, then sashayed toward them. “I have a couple folks interested. They’ll be here in an hour. Whatever shall we do until then?” She moved to take Simon’s hand and he got a very distinct impression of what exactly she wanted to do until the buyers showed up.

It was Simon’s turn to blush. The images filling her head were…pornographic. He looked up at Jayne who shrugged. “So, Vera…” Simon extricated himself from her and moved to sit in the chair. “I think I would like something to drink. Something…strong, if you have it.”

“A man after my liquor, I like that. Sit tight, I’ll be back.”

Jayne paced before slumping onto the couch.

“Do you have any idea what’s going on in her head?” Simon asked in a whisper. 

Jayne grinned. “Got a pretty good one.”

Simon couldn’t help himself, he threw the image at Jayne. Simon naked and sandwiched between the two Cobbs. Jayne choked and shook his head. “Hey!” He glowered at Simon. “I told you to cut it out. She’s just…adventurous.”

“Is that what you call that?” Simon asked, lowering his voice as Vera returned with drinks. 

Jayne snorted. Simon laughed. Really laughed. It felt like it had been a long time since he had.

“Gonna let me in on the joke boys?”

“Simon doesn’t like waiting.” Jayne said, standing to take his and Simon’s drinks from her. As he passed Simon his, their hands brushed and to Simon’s shock, Jayne was still thinking about the image…only with one of the players missing. Simon flushed and took his drink, sipping from it to cover his shock.

“You okay there, Simon?” Vera asked. He nodded and coughed and nodded again.

“Fine.” He cleared his throat. “I’m fine Vera.”

“Yes, honey you really are.”

Jayne chuckled and turned away. Simon just hid behind his glass.

***

 

Two hours later, they left the apartment with two separate deals for the bulk of the books. Buyers who didn’t want to beat Simon up for asking what the books were worth. 

They stopped just as _Serenity_ came into view, Jayne’s hand on Simon’s shoulder. “I mean it, not a word about Vera.”

Simon nodded. “Not a word, I promise.”

“She’s…complicated.”

Simon raised an eyebrow, the images he’d gleaned from her flitting through him. “That’s a word.”

Jayne sighed. “I just don’t think folk have a need to know.”

“I get it, really.” Simon looked up at the ship, then back at Jayne. “So…you and me…are we, okay?”

“You gonna stay outta my head?”

“I’m trying.” Simon said.

Jayne nodded. “Yeah, we’re okay.”

“You know, you called me your friend twice tonight.” Simon teased as they started walking again.

“Don’t get used to it.”

Simon laughed. This felt right. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” He’d just find himself in Jayne’s dreams of it.


End file.
